Category Archives: poems
Duck and Cover
It’s 2:30am, and we’d been sleeping sound,
When your voice bubbled up and began to surround.
You may not know this, but you are almost One,
And, hey, silly girl, this crap should be done.
You gnawed on some pizza, then you fell asleep
And here in this house we heard not a peep,
‘Til your tiny mouth opened and started to shriek
So right about now, I just can’t help but freak.
We moved you around so you slept all alone
Gave you a place you could call your own
But you wake up like mice are chewing your toes
Or you’re being abducted by bloodthirsty trolls
There are other kids, too, here, we hope that you know
Who just like to sleep without hearing you crow
And your father and I, well, we’re getting to see
That you’re just not as settled as we’d like you to be
We dress you and bathe you and feed you good stuff
And yet you continue to huff and to puff
And we scurry and slide through the house silently,
To hug you and feed you and change all your pee
And you scream and you shout like a baby possessed
So, as you can see, kid, it’s kind of a mess
We know that you’re healthy, we’ve had you checked out
It seems that the problem is squarely your mouth
We’re so grateful, too, that your lungs work just fine
But please, baby, please, can you zip it this time?
Just have a few sips of this shut up juice
And cozy all up with your tiny caboose
And rest, girl, just rest, that sweet little head
‘Cuz I think – no, I’m sure – you are waking the dead.
A Handy Guide for All Our Sitters
Hello, hello! So glad you’re here!
Now please, oh please, pull up that chair
And listen well, I won’t say this again
You may just want to grab a pen
The twins wake up so they can feed,
Then Matthew’s up, oh yes, indeed
Now you’ve got three
Bottles, juice, and scrambled eggies
Then it’s poop, poop, poop
In a continuous loop
Make sure that they’re all clean and dry
And now it’s time for SuperWhy
No, don’t sit down, there is no point
There is no resting in this joint
The twins must nap
Rock them in your lap
Then bring both upstairs
And say your prayers
‘Cuz Matthew isn’t far behind
Slamming doors, it blows your mind
So beg him not to make a peep
And tell him that he needs to sleep
Then you have fifteen minutes just to rest
Never mind, clean up the breakfast mess
Then the twins wake up, it’s time for lunch
Some puréed crap for them to munch
Use a cloth for all the spitup
Oh, no! Shit! Now Matthew’s up!
Ask him what he wants to eat
This, my dear, will be a treat
Make lunch for this little tyke
Just keep him from flinging what he doesn’t like
Then let him roam
And destroy my home
And ride the twins
and pinch their chins
Until they cry
Don’t ask me why!
Are you getting all this?
Is there something you missed?
And now it’s time to cook the dinner
If you’re able to eat it, you’re a winner
So heat up the stove and keep Matthew busy
And try not to work yourself into a tizzy
From the twins you’ll hear some cries
(Sometimes they poke each other’s eyes)
Then buckle Matthew in
No, quit asking me for gin
And feed you all
Ignore that call
And you’ll choke it down
while the babies frown
And cry because they’re tired
Hey, no, you can’t get fired
Now the table’s covered in dinner scraps
And the babies need their nightcaps
And Matthew’s worn out
Just put on the Sprout
And hope he conks out
But he’ll probably shout
Then all off to bed
There’s a pain in your head
And then you’re done thinking
And, no, there’s no drinking!!
So there it is, in a nutshell
I know, I know. It sounds like hell.
So, sign you up? That’s what you said?
I am so pleased that no tears were shed.
Where are you going? You said this was fine.
This pleasant time can’t be all mine.
I’d hate to be selfish and not to share
So what time can I expect you here?
I’d love some help, oh yes, that’s true
Please don’t lie, you don’t have the flu
Well, you’re here now, so I’ll go take a shower
And, hey, I’ll just pencil you in for tomorrow
