I’m so pleased to have April Nolen of That Nolen Chick back at Momma’s for Mother’s Day! As you may recall, she waxed poetic (or was it neurotic?) about Christmas music (and those adorable guys from Straight No Chaser) during Momma’s 12 Days of Christmas in December. And, since then, she’s guest posted over at Scary Mommy as well, taking some time to teach us the delicate art of reverse psychology. She’s here to remind us today what Mother’s Day will really look like for the majority of us with young children, lest you get bogged down by images of pink bouquets and fuzzy bunny slippers. Sadly, it’s just as you’d suspect: Exhausting. Please show her some love on Facebook and Twitter!

I have mixed feelings about Mother’s Day. I know it’s supposed to be a day to honor and celebrate moms, but I’m just not into it.

I love my mom. She’s a rock star. Actually, she’s a teacher, but in my mind, she’s a rock star. When I was growing up, she was a calm influence in my sea of adolescent hormones and near bi-polar mood swings. She knew the art of balance. Like when Dad made fart jokes, she wouldn’t laugh, but she wouldn’t make him stop, either. I have fond childhood memories of my mom. Granted, I’m probably conveniently forgetting the times she was less than calm or balanced, but I’m sure those times were so scarce that they hardly bear remembering.

Honoring and celebrating my mom is something I want to do now that I’m an adult. I get how hard it is to be a mom, and I want to thank her for the nearly four decades she’s logged as a mom.

The flip side of the Mother’s Day conflict is because I’m a mom. I have four kids – 10, 8, 6, and 2. I love them more than I can say, and I’m so thankful for them, but they don’t have a clue about what Mother’s Day is. I feel bad even putting that thought in writing, but there it is. I know, I know – it’s important to teach them to be thankful, but it’s not an easy day.

Here’s what my Mother’s Day will likely look like:

• Early wakeup because we go to church
• Kids invade my bedroom for the traditional “giving of the cards and gifts”
• Fun time with kids for 4.37 minutes until someone insults/hits/looks at someone else and a squabble breaks out
• Kick kids out of my room despite their promises and oaths to “be good”
• Deal with at least 3 more squabbles as they eat breakfast and get dressed for church
• Leave home late because someone isn’t all the way ready, despite repeated promises and oaths to the contrary, and after catching them playing games in someone’s room instead of brushing teeth
• Have to separate two kids during the service because they’re fighting over a hymnal
• Lunch – either we’ll eat here or go to a restaurant. Probably at home, because taking 6 people out to eat at a Mother’s Day brunch is expensive. And embarrassing because Baby K will probably fling food at the other mothers in her attempt to assert my maternal superiority.
• Clean up after lunch
• During my afternoon nap, I will be interrupted at least three times because: a) someone wants popcorn, b) someone is tattling, c) someone wants to go outside, or d) someone is bored.

You get it, right? There will be squabbling, work, and parts of the day that are less than celebratory, and I’ll get to deal with them. Not because my husband is a Neanderthal and slacks off on Mother’s Day, but because we have 4 little kids. That’s a lot of work, holiday or not.

I actually got my Mother’s Day gift early this year – Hubs took all 4 kids to his parents’ house for 7 days over Spring Break. I had seven days by myself. By myself! I haven’t had that in a decade. It was bliss.

So on Mother’s Day, I’ll honor and celebrate my mom (and my mother-in-law, lest you think I’m shirking), but I don’t have high hopes for a restful day for myself. Who knows? Maybe this year the kids will stick to their many and varied promises and oaths and the day will be squabble-free.