I am a sleep-deprived mama who survived a whole year of terrible nights. I want to share what I’ve learned with other desperate parents, so hopefully they will get a few extra hours of sleep.
One night, my little guy finally slept five hours straight. So I thanked the Angels of Baby Sleep for helping us achieve this momentous milestone, hence the name of my blog. Sometimes, I imagine little angels dangling off the heavy eyelids of my baby, or whispering lullabies in his ear.
There are a good many things new parents fret about when holding their newborn. Let me tell you which one will become your main obsession for the next couple of years: sleep!
In the pursuit of getting your baby to sleep full nights, you’ll come across many books and meet seasoned parents full of well-meaning advice, tips and methods, including my blog.
People will tell you to swaddle, to shush-pat, to boob, to not boob.
People will console you. It will only be 3 months of hell, no 6 months, well it’s all fixed when they’re a year old for sure. Lies, all lies! The truth is nobody knows.
My case is as bad as they can get. After meeting me at a playdate, most parents leave thinking, Thank God I’m not her! If you need tips for better sleep, ask the mother who’s not getting any. She’ll have tried it all.
I don’t mean to discourage anyone on the trek of the holy grail of perfect baby sleep. Go ahead, read all the books and ask everyone you meet about how they did it. But please take everything with a grain of salt. You are the expert of your baby and each one is different. There is no miracle solution, just lots of little helpful tips and experimentation.
But a new parent’s quest should not focus on “When do they learn to sleep?” or “How do I get them to do x-y-z?” Rather, they should mentally prepare themselves for the long haul. I’ve outlined here five easy points on how to survive sleep deprivation. It’s my Zen and the art of Baby Sleep.
1) Exercise compassion, consistency and flexibility. Your baby is tired and he desperately wants to sleep. That’s why he’s screaming his head off. Compassionately tell him that you will do your best to help him. Next, be consistent in your sleep routine. A relaxing ritual gives babies a lot of comfort. Mine is simple: bath, book, boob and bed. But routines are not meant to be rigid. There will be nights when your baby will be suffering with a cold, or with teething pain, or with separation anxiety. Be flexible and give extra snuggles. There you go. Compassion, consistency and flexibility… Put all three together, and you’ll find a secret reserve of patience and your third eye will open.
2) Eat healthy and buy a jar of Nutella. Parenting is like a never-ending marathon. You won’t survive physically if you eat take-out Chinese food laden with MSG. However, you also need to treat yourself with something that will give you an extra boost of energy. My favorite after a night of several wakings is Nutella and bananas on toast.
3) Laugh about it. Meet your mama friends at least once a week and exchange horror stories. You’ll see you’re not alone.
4) And if you have a baby that sleeps well, please be humble. When asked, just say, “I’m lucky. He sleeps okay,” and quickly change the subject or turn the question around to your friend so she can vent about how bad her night was. I guarantee you, if you don’t do this and decide to brag about how you did nothing to sleep train him into a 12-hour night, hubris will hit you like a hurricane. The gods will punish you soon after with a week of sleepless nights due to teething, or something else equally horrible. Well, even if you’re humble, this might happen to you anyway. So, just light a candle and be grateful for however long it lasts.
Which brings me to point number 5…
5) Give thanks. Through it all, I know I’m lucky. I have a beautiful baby boy with a smile that lights up the room, who fills my life with happiness, who is healthy and happy. The rest will work itself out with time.
Now slather some Nutella on your morning toast and repeat after me: Ooooooommmm!
This post almost made me cry. I have had the worst time over the last 6 months with my daughter who is now 14 months. Last night was especially horrible and when she is tired she wails until i hold her ( not daddy) and i am standing up (cannot be sitting) walking around the room. Needless to say, i have very strong arms now and i am exhausted. Did i mention i’m also a full time student?? I am at my wits end and every other mom i know has a good sleeper. Thank you so much. Great minds think alike too. My breakfast this morning was peanut butter, nutella, and banana wrapped up in a tortilla.
Dear Elanor! Love knows no bounds like a momma! You are accomplishing such an amazing feat by caring for your daughter and going to school full-time. High five! I know, I hate hearing about other good sleepers… It’s not you. Every baby is different and we’re just the “lucky” ones to parent the very spirited child. Good luck! You’re doing a great job.
Aaahhh, it’s always comforting to hear that I’m not alone on this one. My twins are 2 now. My son has slept 2 full nights EVER! I thought they’d sleep by 6, then 9, then 12 months. At 18 months I was sure. That was the first time R slept through the night, the next time was a few weeks ago.
I also mainly hear stories of babies who sleep the night at least by 8 or 9 months.
And I’ve gotten, “They don’t sleep YET? They’re just spoiled.” or “If it were your next child you’d be more confident and things would be different.” Already they sleep differently from each other, and I do the same thing with both. I’ve dropped it now.I’m not waiting – it will happen when it will happen. I’ll gladly join in on your OM!
That’s why I love blogging. I’m relieved as well to hear of other moms and their experiences. “Spoiled?”, agh! What an insensitive remark! But I’m so glad to hear that things seem to be improving for you! Really, I’m not jealous. Well, maybe a little.
)
My first one is a world-class sleeper and I thought for sure I had it all figured out. Then I had my second. He is 14 months old and is finally sometimes sleeping through the night. He still sleeps several nights a week in his swing (it’s a good thing he’s small!) Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone. I’m now pregnant with #3 and the biggest thing I’m praying for, after health and well being for baby, is a sleeper. I hate to say misery loves company, but it’s nice to know that someone else has survived 1+ years of never sleeping through the night.
This is so comforting for me to hear as well! I knew it! Personality makes all the difference and your story confirms it. Congratulations on #3 and may heaven bless you with a sleeper!
You are so right that sleep becomes an obsession of motherhood. I don’t think I’ve ever thought so much about the bliss of being unconscious, quickly followed by the panic that I might never have those langorous lie-ins again (or at least not until my daughter grows up and leaves home). I’m glad to hear about the Nutella tip though. Why didn’t you mention it before??
As for Tip No. 4 — yes, and yes again!! I’ve never felt closer to violence than when smug ‘friends’ tell me that I just need to sleep train my child. You’d think that other mothers would know not to fool with a tired lady? Besides, in 19 months I’ve learned that everything is a phase and nothing lasts for long. Except for what you say in No 5. That seems infinite!
Hahaha! The “bliss of being unconscious” is something I’m praying for nightly. I know it will happen eventually but it’s a mighty long phase! Right now, the most I’ve gotten is 3 to 4 hours of sleep in a row.
You’re right! I can’t believe I never brought up the miracle of Nutella’s regenerative properties. Maybe I’ll do a blog post on my favorite Nutella recipes.
What a great post! Such wise advice. I particularly like the idea of rewarding yourself (and how!) after a sleepless night – that could apply just as well in several other parenting situations too! The Little Chap was luckily always a good sleeper as a baby but toddlerhood and mobility meant that the bath, book, bed routine he was used to became an opportunity to run me ragged before he settled. So this Mummy needs the Nutella and banana on toast or similar at teatime to keep my energy up so I can deal with his antics!
Absolutely, Nutella is great at all hours! Isn’t it amazing that our babies get a sudden spurt of energy just before knocking out? Your comment is making me think that even if I achieve a full night’s sleep, I might have to deal with other setbacks.
I was right there with you, agreeing with everything I read in this post. Then, you mentioned Nutella and I realized that you must be reading my mind! YUM!
Great minds… But seriously, Nutella should be paying me in buckets for the free advertising!
Great post! I’m right there with you and appreciate how honest, compassionate and real you are. I was thinking just today that every mom has something that isn’t going ‘just right’ … lacking sleep due to a baby who likes to get up every 3 hours just effects us mommies a bit more dramatically. Agree that healthy nutrition (and a big cup of coffee) makes ALL the difference as it’s a great grounding force to keep pushing on. The day will come when I sleep more than 4 hours in a stretch and when it does it will be nirvana! All the best to you!
Absolutely right! If it’s not sleep issues, there are a ton of other parenting challenges to deal with. But that’s our job, right? I’m glad you appreciated my post and I hope that you soon get that well-deserved night of uninterrupted sleep. Take care!
This is beautifully honest and helpful, well done. Except now I want some Nutella.
Thank you for the kindness! It’s so easy to feel like a terrible parent because my baby isn’t sleeping through the night. I absolutely love your five points.
My pleasure! Parenting is frought with guilt. The goal for perfect nights is attainable I’m sure, but I think the majority of parents deal with several night wakings. We’re all just ashamed to admit it! Yet, it’s totally normal. Good luck to you!
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